What I Love About Commuting

I've been commuting to and from work and school for the past couple of years and man, there is a whole list of people who make the commute that much more painful. It's as if people get dumber and dumber the more of them you add to the mix. Here are some of my favorite commuters ...

1) The Aisle Seat Passenger - The passenger who sits in the isle seat on a crowded bus and doesn't move over when the window seat is vacant. Usually middle-aged ethnic women or white guys in their teens to mid-twenties. I haven't yet figured out a method to deal with these people that isn't too confrontational.

2) The Aisle Clogger - These ones vary in sex, race, and age which leads me to believe everyone does this. All the seats are taken and the standing passengers form a line in the aisle. But for some reason, many people don't move all the way to the back of the bus, instead choosing to stay at the rear doors and never move further back. On especially crowded occassions, the driver will have to take matters into his own hands and order them to move to the back. If the driver doesn't do this, the best way to deal with these people is to rudely shove by them, and make it seem like you're having a really tough time getting by them, so they get the hint.

3) The Backpackers - These range from highschool to college age students who wear their backpacks while standing in the aisle without any regard for the seated passengers, whom they might accidentally hit if they so much as turn around. Not to mention the extra room they'd take up. The way to deal with the Backpacker is to wait until they position themselves with their backpack hovering over your shoulder (assuming you are a seated passenger). And then rise from your seat with full force, throwing them slightly off balance. Sure you'll get decked with their bag, but seeing the look of shock on their faces might help them think twice about boarding a bus with their backpack still on, instead of setting it on the floor as they should.

4) The Impatients - These are people who never look before boarding a bus, to see if there are any alighting passengers exiting from the front. Instead they barge right on, getting in the way of anyone who wants off. The most common culprits are east Asians of both sexes and all ages. The best way to deal with these is to verbalize your displeasure with an irritated "Excuse me." Or if you are in a bad enough mood, a nice body check will get your message across clearly and concisely.

5) The Turtles - Ethnic old ladies and students of all races and sexes are the main culprits of this offence. You've seen them before. The skytrain doors open, ready to receive a long lineup of passengers and these people are always the first in line. They enter the skytrain and remain positioned by the doors, forcing the people behind them to squeeze by them, taking up precious time for all the passengers to get in. Those unlucky enough to be farther back in the lineup sometimes don't make it in at all and will have to wait for the next train. The solution? YELL at them to move or shove them as you're trying to "squeeze" through, knocking them out of the way for your fellow commuters behind you who are also trying to get into the train.